About
What this is
SITCHY is a satirical research desk and a meme coin on Solana. The website is a parody of the visual and rhetorical format of long-form investment research: the serif type, the roman-numeral chapters, the confident charts, the section that extrapolates a trendline and the section that does not exist about what happens if the trendline stops.
The target is the format, not any individual. The observation underneath the joke is a real one: documents in this style are extremely good at describing why a position should work and almost silent on the price at which it stops being yours. That silence is where the money goes.
What is actually real here
- The terminal pulls live prices from CoinGecko’s public API in your browser. The Situational Awareness Index is a genuine weighted average multiplied by its own coverage, so every input it does not have is listed by name, excluded rather than defaulted, and counted against the score.
- The simulator uses the standard liquidation formula. If it says a 4x long is liquidated at −24.6%, that is arithmetic, not a bit.
- The token page renders PENDING for everything not yet known, from one config file.
Everything else — the theses, the reports, the analysts, the risk committee, the charts on the thesis page, the meters on risk management — is invented, and invented figures carry a Satire label.
The AI, and what we store
The duty analyst is an AI — claude-haiku-4-5, given a character and a set of rules. It is instructed never to invent a market figure, never to predict a price, never to give financial advice, and never to claim a real person is involved with $SITCHY. It computes liquidation levels correctly, which is the one thing it is genuinely useful for. It is not a person and will say so if asked.
Conversations with it are not stored. They live in your browser tab and are sent to the model with each message for context; close the tab and they are gone. There is no transcript.
If you join the desk, we store your email address, or your X user ID and handle if you sign in that way, plus the timestamp. Nothing else. No X token of yours is ever kept — nothing here posts on your behalf, so holding one would mean taking custody of a credential we have no use for. Reports you file store the position you typed and the figures computed from it.
One exception, stated plainly because the sentence above would otherwise be misleading: the @SitchyonSol account’s own token is stored, encrypted, so THE SITCHY MAN can post to it on a schedule. That is our account authorising itself, not a reader’s. Posts to X are written by the same AI character that writes the blog, under the same rules — no invented figures, no price predictions, no advice.
The character
The mascot is THE SITCHY MAN. He is an archetype, not a portrait: a composite of a genre of person who has seventeen monitors, one quarter-zip, and a forecast. He is not based on, named after, or intended to depict any real individual.
He is crying because he was right. That is the specific tragedy this project is about: the position was closed at the price, not at the thesis, and the thesis is still sitting there being correct about a future he no longer has a position in.
Any resemblance to real investors is purely situational.
Disclaimer
Not affiliated. This site is not affiliated with, endorsed by, sponsored by, or associated with any real person, fund, publication, or website, including situational-awareness.ai. No real person has bought, endorsed, launched, or commented on $SITCHY, and we will never claim otherwise.
Fictional people. Every analyst, committee, quote, and report on this site is fictional. They describe no real person and no real fund’s positions.
No financial advice. Nothing on this site is financial, investment, legal, or tax advice, and none of it should be used to make a decision about money. We are not licensed to advise you and we are not advising you.
No predictions. $SITCHY is a meme coin. It can go to zero. No page on this site, and no output from the AI, will ever tell you what the price is going to do — not because we are being careful, but because anyone who tells you that is making it up, and we would rather be arrogant than dishonest. Use your situational awareness.
Data. Live figures come from public third-party APIs (CoinGecko; DexScreener once deployed). They are provided as-is, may be delayed or wrong, and are labelled with their age and source. When a feed fails, the terminal shows the last genuinely retrieved values badged STALE rather than continuing to present them as current.