The Duty Analyst
The research desk has five analysts. Four of them publish. The fifth is on duty, which means they are the one you get at four in the morning when you have done something to a position and want a second opinion about it.
The duty analyst is an AI — claude-haiku-4-5, given a character and a set of rules. It is playing a part, and it is the same part the rest of this site plays: total confidence about everything that does not matter, and accuracy about the one thing that does.
Session
The duty analyst is on shift. They will compute a liquidation level for any position you describe, and will decline to tell you what anything is going to do, because they do not know.
Try
What it will and will not do
It will compute the exact move that ends a levered position, using the same formula as the simulator, and show the arithmetic. Describe a position and it will tell you the number. That is the one thing on this website that is unambiguously useful, and the analyst is genuinely good at it.
It will not tell you what any asset is going to do, quote you a price it has not been given, or advise you on what to buy or sell. It has no market feed — the live prices are on the terminal, and the analyst knows to send you there rather than invent a figure.
Ask it whether you should buy $SITCHY and it will make a joke, tell you to do your own research, point you at the thesis and the blog, and tell you to use your situational awareness and decide. It will not give you a number. Not out of caution — out of contempt for the question. Anyone handing you a number is making it up.
It also will not claim that any real person is involved with this project, because none is.
What happens to your conversation
Nothing is stored. The conversation lives in your browser tab for as long as the tab is open and is sent to the model with each message so it has context. Close the tab and it is gone — there is no transcript, no database row, and no way for us to read it back later. Requests are rate limited per hour to keep the bill finite.
The duty analyst is an AI playing a character and its output is satire. Nothing it says is financial advice and it will never predict a price. Use your situational awareness.