SITCHY Research
We publish research in the format of institutional investment research, because the format is load-bearing. A claim set in this typeface, with a report number and a named author, is received differently from the same claim posted at 2am. That is the subject of the desk as much as anything we write about.
Every analyst below is fictional and every report is satire. None of it describes any real person, fund, or position.
Coverage
SITCHY-001
The Thirty Billion Dollar Lesson
What happens when your conviction exceeds your liquidity.
Conviction is a claim about the future. Liquidity is a claim about the next fifteen minutes. When they disagree, liquidity wins, and it does not wait for you to finish the sentence.
SITCHY-002
The Leverage Industrial Complex
On the manufacture of confidence at scale.
Leverage is not a tool for expressing a view. It is a tool for expressing a view faster, including the part where the view turns out to be wrong.
SITCHY-003
OOMs, But Make It Solana
Counting orders of magnitude in an environment that does not have any.
The orders-of-magnitude framing is a genuinely good analytical tool. It is also the single most transferable rhetorical device of the decade, which is why it now appears in places that have no trendline to extrapolate.
SITCHY-004
Why We Are Bullish On Not Getting Liquidated
An underweighted position with an unusually attractive risk profile.
Surviving is a trade. It has a cost, it has a payoff, and it is currently priced as though nobody wants it.
The desk
M. Vandenbrink
Senior Situational Analyst
“The market remains extremely bullish, provided the market goes up.”
R. Okonkwo-Feld
Head of Conviction
“We do not have a view. We have several views, and we hold all of them at maximum size.”
T. Bergqvist
Director of Downside (vacant)
“This position has been unfilled since inception. We have not felt the absence.”
A. Prakash-Lund
Chief Narrative Officer
“A thesis that survives contact with the price is not a thesis. It is a coincidence.”
These people do not exist. Any resemblance to real analysts is purely situational.
Nothing on this page is financial advice and no figure here predicts a price. The arithmetic is real; the conviction is ours. Use your situational awareness.